Because a coupledom consists of at least 2 people, there inherently exists a model of comparison. In no way does it define or in any real way describe accurate personality traits of an individual person. As described above, there may be nothing wrong or excessive in any of these behaviors. You just simply exhibit them more or sooner than your partner. Conversely, your partner may inadvertently label you as intense, or controlling, or no fun, or parental.
These labels happen so quickly and accidentally that we may be fooled into believing that are actually true. Someone who is using drugs or alcohol irresponsibly may not know or care about the potential dangers. They might not be aware of or fail to consider the potential consequences of their actions on themselves and those around them.
An immature person with Peter Pan syndrome might even try to justify their irresponsible behavior for example, by emailing you a questionable research study on the safety or benefits of taking an illicit drug after you express concern.
When they are unable to justify or back up their behavior when you call them out on it, an immature person might attack you. For example, if you express concern about your partner's binge drinking, they might accuse you of being "uptight" and unable to relax and have fun. Someone who is immature might lack a sense of responsibility for some of the more mundane aspects of adult life, like paying the bills or household tasks.
They might refuse to help with any of the cooking, cleaning, or laundry. If asked to help with chores, an immature person might respond petulantly.
They might need to be bribed or demand compensation for performing tasks that are simply a routine part of keeping a home and functioning as a responsible adult. Someone who is emotionally immature may also lack an awareness of the need for self-care.
Their partner might need to remind them to brush their teeth, shave, or shower. They might need to be made aware of what constitutes appropriate attire for social occasions or events. Their partner might need to tell them what to wear or even put out clothes for them.
People who lack emotional maturity often do not have good insight into themselves or their behavior. They might not believe or will refuse to see that their behavior is dysfunctional or unhealthy. A person who lacks maturity might have a hard time explaining how they feel. They might struggle to problem-solve when faced with challenges. An emotionally immature person may frequently complain, whine, and insist that they are being treated unfairly.
They can be petty and may " keep score " when it comes to arguments. At times, a person who is immature may go so far as to throw tantrums—particularly when they feel that they are being slighted, blamed, or "called out" in some way. Men who expect to be or feel entitled to being treated a certain way by their partner might "act out" if they feel that their needs have not been met or have been ignored.
Emotionally immature men who are parents might even feel threatened by their own children. For example, a man might be upset if his partner prioritizes the kids' needs before his a behavior that is also common in narcissistic parents.
If your partner is Peter Pan, you might be Wendy. Perhaps you were drawn to him because you felt that he was a "challenge" or someone that you could "fix" or change. His childlike behavior might have made you feel like you needed to take care of him, dote on him, or guide him. This type of behavior has been dubbed "Wendy syndrome. Initially, you might have felt attracted to and enjoyed these aspects of your partner's personality.
As your relationship progressed perhaps even to marriage , however, you might have become exhausted by, or even resentful of, your partner's immature behavior. Once you have identified that your partner's immature behavior is causing problems in your relationship, there are steps that you can take to challenge the dysfunctional dynamic. The first step is to ask yourself how you might be enabling your partner's behavior. It might be that there are certain aspects of your personality and life experiences that have influenced how you relate to your partner.
Think back to your childhood. Do you feel that you had to "grow up fast? Is it possible that you are continuing to perform the caretaker role in your adult relationships? The caretaking behaviors you felt stuck with as a child do not have to define how you relate to others as a grown-up.
While it is important and necessary for you to establish these boundaries , it will not necessarily "cure" your partner of their immature behavior. These boundaries are for your health and well-being. You can also work on changing yourself. If you have been enabling your partner's behavior, the changes you make such as letting go of or shedding the caretaker role will help both you and your partner move forward. You will also need to be honest with yourself about whether your needs are being met in the relationship.
If your partner is unwilling to do the work they need to do to become a more mature and emotionally available partner, you might find that the relationship is no longer healthy or satisfying for you. Throughout this process, your partner might benefit from working with a professional to understand their behavior and work on changing it.
A therapist can help someone identify the underlying reason for their behavior. Emotional immaturity can sometimes be a sign that a person has a mental health condition such as depression , anxiety, or borderline personality disorder BPD. You might also find it helpful to work with a counselor on your own. A professional can help you do the work that you need to do, support your partner as they work on making changes , and honestly assess whether the relationship is healthy for both of you.
Once you have each started doing your own work, you might find it helpful to come together and work with a marriage counselor. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Kiley D. The Peter Pan Syndrome. My husband is a little like this in the fact that the unknown stresses him out. I had to remember that as the pregnant one, i'm at all the doctors appts, reading these forums, talking with other mothers etc and he's the one in the dark.
So I just try to share as much info as possible with him and don't get mad or assume he should know something. This helped immensely with our first. And then there's the simple fact that we have to accept them, flaws and all :P I try to remain calm when he's making a big deal about things or ask him to trust me if i'm not reacting the way he wants me to. I think the survival kit is a super cute idea!
My suggestion would be to give him items that include him rather than exclude or distract him. Would he be into baby wearing? After saying all that, it's going to be a huge transition for you too so don't put all your needs aside to make life easier for him : Teamwork is key!! I would suggest making him a list of things that he can weld, nail or glue, until baby comes. Also explain to him that by being calm, is fixing too, for you.
I love your survival kit idea. You can buy a Diaper Dude mail carrier style diaper bag for him and stuff it with homemade coupons, maybe some movie passes for a date night and also for a daddy and son movie , as well as other ideas pp's have suggested!
I got hubby a Diaper Dude diaper bag on clearance at Walmart. It has a list on the inside flap that is perfect for uptight or forgetful dads LOL.
I'm an uptight wife, my hubby is the cool calm collected his optimism and positivity sometimes drives me crazy. Often I just need an opportunity to think outloud and to have a game plan. Do you think sometimes he just needs a sounding board?
No, unfortunately I think he is a product of his father who he has no relationship with due to constantly being yelled at and put down as a child.
He yells or freaks out at our 5 yr old over little things. Like the last week our 5 year old open my husbands lunch and took a bite of his pizza. He freaks out if 5 year old knocks clean clothes on the floor, things like that.. Yeah I'm kinda of a spazz about little things like that too, easily agitated and don't like unplanned changes.
I grew up in a pretty strict house hold so I feel my parenting style often reflects that. DH and I had been together for 12 yrs before our first child back then our differences really complimented each other, it wasn't until trying to parent together we realized how polar opposite we are. It's a lot of compromising. I wish I had some tips for you on how to deal with someone like me. Personally I know Im difficult and emotionally charged and it's when I see these traits in my DS that's my wake up call to try and do things differently because I don't want to raise an angry little jerk.
The control freak in me is realizing I need to relinquish control. Easier said than done but I'm trying!
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